As My Memory Rests But Never Forgets What I Lost

“No, you do. We’ve been intending to play it since the end of May.”

“We’ve been saying it since March, fuckface!”

Kuai Liang did not look up to watch the argument, he stared at his guitar as he gently strummed it. He didn’t really want to be in the middle of this, even if he was in one of the bands involved. Music club had sounded like such a cool thing when he was looking to join college clubs. But then Bi-Han had wanted to join too, because god forbid Kuai do things on his own. And Bi-Han did not get along with many of the people in the club, least of all Hanzo Hasashi.

That said… Technically Bi-Han was right in this situation.

The Lin Kuei had decided that for the end-of-year concert the club put on, they would play Green Day’s classic, Wake Me Up When September Ends. They had been vocal about this, and said it from pretty much the start. The fact Hanzo and his band now had decided to play it was clearly just trying to provoke Bi-Han. Which was wild because usually it was Bi-Han doing the provoking but Kuai guessed Hanzo just decided to be a petty bitch in turn.

“Man, it’s like being back in high school,” Johnny groaned, leaning back in his seat next to Kuai. “I thought we’d be over this by now.”

“With my brother, not likely,” Kuai sighed, strumming a little tune on the guitar.

“Eh, I dunno, I’m actually kinda with him on this one,” Johnny said with a shrug.

“I mean. I am too, but don’t tell him that because we’ll never hear the end of it,” Kuai warned, knowing exactly what his brother was like. You gave him an inch and he’d run a mile.

“True.” Johnny made a loud groaning sound and slipped lower in his seat. They sat in relative silence, as just listened as the argument raged on, both Bi-Han and Hanzo throwing cutting insults at each other. “I feel like someone should probably step in and stop this though.”

“Not it,” Kuai quickly replied. Again, he really did not want to be in the middle of this. If he completely agreed with Bi-Han, he’d be expected to do the same every single argument. If he took a more neutral stance, Bi-Han would take it as an attack and Kuai would never live it down. It was genuinely a no win situation for him.

“Guess it’s up to me then,” Johnny muttered, pushing himself to sit up. “Hey. Hey!” He yelled, getting the two arguing men’s attention. “How about this, whoever can play it better will be the one to perform it in the concert.”

Bi-Han and Hanzo glared at each other, before at the same time they both hissed “fine.”

Then Hanzo smirked and added “but my band will definitely be better.”

Kuai felt himself scowling. He didn’t care about the argument, but something about that statement made him mad. The song was one of his favourites, it was the first song he ever learnt to play. It was special to him, which is part of why Bi-Han chose it. Hanzo’s cockiness made him want to put him in his place.

He began to strum the first few chords of the song, noticing how everyone’s head snapped around to him. He knew now he was the one being petty, but in the moment it felt good.

“Summer has come and passed, the innocent can never last,” he started singing, closing his eyes and shutting out the world. “Wake me up when September ends.” He felt his fingers glide along the neck, the music so familiar, just like an old friend. “Like my father's come to pass, seven years has gone so fast, wake me up when September ends.”

Deciding he had probably made his point, and not wanting to go into the full song, he stopped there. Finally opening his eyes to see his surroundings. Absolutely everyone was looking at him, jaws agape and eyes wide. Kuai didn’t understand why it was so shocking, to be honest. Everyone knew he loved that song, everyone knew he could play guitar.

Then, somehow, the answer suddenly hit him.

He’d actually sung. Bi-Han was the lead singer of The Lin Kuei, and Kuai never even so much as did backing vocals. He’d always been shy when it came to singing, so this was the first time anyone outside of the band had heard him.

And he genuinely couldn’t tell if the reactions were good or not…

At least… Until Johnny chimed up.

“Holy fuckin’ shit dude,” Johnny breathed out, looking at Kuai like he was in love. “Why the fuck have you kept that voice to yourself? You sound like a fuckin’ angel!” He looked over to Hanzo. “I’m gonna be real with you, man, but you are gonna have to pull off a miracle to beat that.”

Hanzo stared at Johnny, before his eyes flicked over to Kuai Liang. There was a strange air of regret to his posture, but more important was that he looked defeated.

“You guys can play the song,” he muttered, before stepping back and turning away. He walked over to the other side of the room, where his band looked like they were trying to cheer him up.

To Kuai’s surprise, Bi-Han didn’t say or do anything either.

The club continued on about as normally as it could after that. The air was still thick with tension but it was being somewhat broken by people asking Kuai why he wasn’t the lead singer, or just a singer in general. He could tell the questions were annoying Bi-Han from the frown on his face. He tried his best to explain he simply wasn’t confident in his singing, didn’t know how to care for his voice properly and just in general didn’t like the attention being a lead singer seemed to gain.

As the club drew to a close and he was packing his guitar into its case, he saw a shadow come up from behind him. Expecting it to be Bi-Han about to have a go at him about the singing thing, he decided to remain with his back to them.

“That song means a lot to you, doesn’t it?”

Kuai blinked, realising that it was Hanzo’s voice. He turned around, and indeed, there was Hanzo, looking at him with an expression that Kuai could not for the life of him read.

“What?” He questioned a little dumbfounded, because while yes the song was special to him, it was a bit of a weird way to start a conversation. “What makes you say that?”

“The way you played it. The way you sang it. It was like that song was a part of you,” Hanzo explained, and Kuai felt himself swallow and his heart rate increase.

“It was the first song I learnt to play, my Father taught me before he…” He paused as his breath hitched. Even now, it was so hard to talk about his father’s death. He brought Kuai his first guitar for his 10th birthday. Then one day, when he’d turned 11, his father was gone. Even now, it felt like this gaping chasm in his chest. “Before he passed away.”

“I am so sorry,” Hanzo said in a horrified tone. “Your brother’s been pissing me off, I just wanted to annoy him. If I’d known what that song meant to you, I’d have done it a different way.”

Kuai actually kind of smiled at that. It wasn’t that Hanzo wouldn’t have pissed Bi-Han off on purpose. He’d have just found another method to do it instead. That was beautiful, in a strange way.

“No, I get it, my brother can be a bit of an asshole sometimes,” Kuai agreed, really hoping Bi-Han didn’t hear him. “Although don’t let him know I said that.”

Hanzo grimaced before agreeing “my lips are sealed.” He let out a breath, before saying “but you know. You really do have an amazing voice. It’d be nice to hear it more in the club.”

Kuai gave a bit of a shy smile, “maybe.” He wasn’t sure how to take any of this, to be honest. He liked singing, and knew he could hold a tune okay. But he’d never thought of himself as being that good. At least not good enough to earn the reception he’d seemed to. “I mean I might have to, I’m starting to think the other club members won’t let me withhold it for much longer.”

“Yeah, you do seem to have amassed a lot of fans today,” Hanzo stated, glancing around the room. When Kuai did the same, he was relieved that Bi-Han seemed distracted by Tomas and Sektor.

“You included?” Kuai joked, expecting his cheeky question to earn an exacerbated tut or something. Instead Hanzo just looked at him with a smile as if to say yes. Kuai felt his mouth go dry. “Oh.”

“I’d better get going,” Hanzo awkwardly said as Kuai felt his entire face begin to go hot. “I’ll see you at the next meeting.”

“You too, Hanzo.”

He hadn’t realised he’d stopped breathing until Hanzo left, and he suddenly gasped for air. This whole afternoon there had been people fangirling over him. Why was Hanzo’s attention so much different?

He brushed his hair behind his ear, leaning down to pick up his guitar, throwing it over his shoulder. He needed to calm down before he spoke to Bi-Han. He had a bad feeling that knowing he’d had a friendly interaction with Hanzo would drive big brother mad.

Still, his eyes flicked over to where Hanzo was leaving the room, and his mind echoed back to Hanzo’s request to hear his voice more.

Maybe I should sing more often.

Maybe he should indeed.

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