Aaaa! Good news! This is the last fic in my main backlog I have to post!! I still have a few fics from the short fic tag left to post, but in terms of the main bulk of new stuff, I’m finally free!!!! Which, means once those fics from the short fic tag are out, my posts will be a little more spaced out and hopefully less frequent :)
I hate to end on a fic that has a bit of a downer ending, so if it makes you guys feel better I do imagine that after some sorting out of his own feelings Kuai Liang does give Hanzo a chance.
I didn’t wanna just do a simple like… School AU for this prompt, so the ages of these guys have been flipped around with Kuai being the oldest, Bi-Han the youngest and Hanzo close to Kuai’s age but still a bit younger.
Title is from Kiss Me Fool by Fefe Dobson.
Hanzo was quite proud of the life he’d built so far.
He’d graduated from college with top marks, managed to land his first job, had climbed the ladder, earning a pretty paycheck that allowed him to outright buy his own apartment.
And all before he was 25 too!
He wasn’t delusional about his success. Deep inside, he knew he had a lot of privilege and opportunity not afforded to his peers. He’d originally gotten his job thanks to his Father’s connections, but he still maintained that his promotions were all his own work, thank you very much.
This apartment was in a very high end part of town, the friends he’d had over to visit were extremely jealous of his living situation. He had a housekeeper, security, a front desk and all his neighbours were polite and kept to themselves. Well, all but one, although that was one out of about 20 people living in the building so he considered that a win.
That one neighbour was an anomaly however. Technically Bi-Han was the teenage brother of the man who actually owned the apartment. Hanzo had run into him far more frequently than the brother though, and every time was weird and tense. The worst was when they were forced to ride the elevator together. Hanzo had tried to make small talk, but that resulted in a tirade of fowl language and a demand to be left alone. Hanzo had tried to keep away from the kid after that.
The weird thing was, Bi-Han’s elder brother, Kuai Liang was nothing like the younger. From the few interactions they’d had, he was very soft spoken and kind. One day Hanzo had been struggling after buying a little too much at the grocery store. Kuai happened to notice his struggle as he was passing and offered to carry a bag or two for him. Actually? If Hanzo was being honest? He’d kind of had a bit of a puppy dog crush on Kuai since then. Not something Hanzo would act on, even if it was something he fantasised about.
Kuai Liang was older than Hanzo, although he couldn’t figure out quite how much older. He was definitely under 30, but over 25 from what he’d figured out. It did make him question the age gap between the brothers. Was Bi-Han an oops baby? Was that why he lived with Kuai Liang rather than their parents?
Did they even still have parents?
Well, maybe if you actually had a proper conversation with Kuai Liang, rather than just drooling over him, you’d know this shit. The self deprecating thoughts had a point. The majority of the time when he was near Kuai Liang he was too busy thinking about how nice he was and how good he looked to even consider actually getting to know the man. There was a childish part of his mind worried that knowing things like that would ruin the fantasy.
He was content for Kuai Liang to be someone he’d never actually have.
Stepping out of the elevator, his intention was to get into his apartment as quickly as possible. It’d been a long week at work, and all he wanted was to watch some TV, have a few beers and maybe order delivery. When he looked down the corridor however, he found both Kuai Liang and Bi-Han there. Kuai was pacing and staring at his phone, while Bi-Han watched with an absolutely sour look on his face.
“Are you two okay?” Hanzo asked as he approached them. Bi-Han’s glare was deadly, like he was considering punching Hanzo for simply daring to ask the question.
“Oh, hello Hanzo, yes we’re fine,” Kuai greeted, briefly looking away from his phone as he stopped in place. “We’re not in your way, are we?”
“Uh. No.” This was really weird, something about the pair's energy seemed really off. “Are you sure you’re okay? Is something going on?”
Kuai opened his mouth to answer but Bi-Han beat him to it with a snappy “we’re fine. Fuck off.”
“Bi-Han,” Kuai softly chided. To Hanzo’s surprise, Bi-Han actually looked apologetic. Well, towards Kuai Liang at least, Hanzo highly doubted it extended to him. “Everything is fine, Hanzo. I’m just expecting a phone call, that's all.”
Why would he be taking a phone call in the corridor rather than his apartment? That didn’t make sense to Hanzo, but he was unable to query it as at that moment Kuai’s phone began to ring. He knew he should have moved on, gone into his apartment and let the brothers have some privacy, but something compelled him to stay.
“It’s him,” Kuai informed Bi-Han, before taking a deep breath and hitting the answer button. “Hello, Father.”
Father? Well, that threw out the theory that Bi-Han lived with Kuai Liang because their parents were dead. Once again, the thought that he should leave came into his mind, but he was far too invested at this point. He needed to try and understand what was going on here.
“Yes, we’re doing well. Bi-Han’s passing his classes with flying colours, they really think he’s-” He stopped in his tracks and sighed, bringing a hand to rub over his eyes. “I know. I know that’s not why you called. I was just-”
Clearly Kuai was silenced again, as he stood and listened to whatever his father was saying. Kuai’s eyes flicked up to Bi-Han, before he held up his free hand and mimed a mouth talking with it. Bi-Han snorted and smirked at the action.
“No, Father, I haven't found a husband yet, I’m not even dating any-” Kuai suddenly grimaced. “No. I don’t-” His eyes suddenly widened. “Father! I don’t want to have this discussion with you!” Hanzo watched in amazement as Kuai’s face went bright red. “No, I won’t tell you if I’m a top or a bottom so you can hook me up with your friend’s son!”
Bi-Han began to cackle madly, causing Kuai to jerk his hand across his neck, desperately telling him to shut up. This only seemed to cause Bi-Han to laugh harder. All Hanzo could do was watch in sympathy as Kuai desperately tried to explain to his father why such questions were inappropriate.
“Listen, Father. I do not need your help in finding a man and if I ever do, I will tell you.” He threw himself back against the wall. “Please do not talk to your friend or his son on my behalf.” Eventually, Kuai seemed to calm down, his Father obviously agreeing. “Thank you.” Kuai glanced at Bi-Han again. “Would you like a word with your other son?”
There was a second of silence as Kuai hummed, passing the phone over to Bi-Han who had an absolutely evil grin on his face as he took it off.
“Hi Dad,” he began, staring directly at Kuai Liang as he said “yeah, so, you can tell that guy that Kuai’s a bottom-”
“No!” Kuai dashed forward, desperately trying to grab his phone back off his brother. Bi-Han tried to duck and dodge, laughing the entire time and trying to tell their father that Kuai was hopeless at choosing men, and that he needed all the help he could get. Kuai finally managed to wrestle the phone out of Bi-Han’s hand, before holding it to his ear and saying “right, well, it’s been lovely to hear from you again Father. Will see you soon, bye, love you.”
And finally he hung up, giving Bi-Han an exacerbated look, who continued to laugh at his elder brother’s misfortune.
“You are an annoying little brat,” Kuai spat, but it only served to amuse Bi-Han further.
“Holy shit!” Bi-Han exclaimed, wiping tears from his eyes. “I can’t believe he actually asked you what position you prefer.” Kuai’s response was to growl and run his hand down his face. “I mean I can’t blame you for not wanting to tell him if you want to pound someone or be pounded every night.”
“Oh shut up.” Kuai lightly slapped his brother’s arm, not enough to hurt, and Bi-Han clearly thought it was funny. “It’s bad enough he’s trying to insert himself in my love life, I don’t need him knowing anything about my sex life thank you.” Kuai pursed his lips. “You know he’s going to do this to you one day too, right? Keep going on about how you need to find a spouse and settle down.”
“Nah. Because unlike you, I actually have good taste in romantic partners,” Bi-Han smugly replied, leaning back against the wall with his arms crossed. “Let’s face it big brother, your taste in men is atrocious.”
“My taste in men is fine, thank you very much.” Kuai crossed his arms over his chest and huffed. “Besides, you liked Erron well enough.”
“Sure, but he was still an alcoholic who larps as a cowboy every day.” Bi-Han shrugged. “Hardly the sort of man who Dad would approve of.” Bi-Han squinted and stuck his tongue out. “Then there was Kano, the wannabe white gangster. And Reiko, the over-the-top wrestler. And Havik, the underground punk musician. And-”
“Alright, you’ve made your point,” Kuai snapped, sounding increasingly annoyed.
“Literally, the only two guys you’ve dated that could even pass as presentable to Dad were Shang Tsung and Quan Chi, but they both still had personalities that sucked.”
Wait? Quan Chi?
Hanzo did a double take at the mention of his boss. Despite Quan Chi being a friend of his father’s, Hanzo didn’t know too much about the man's personal life. He knew he’d had a partner for a while, mostly because he’d bragged about his cute boyfriend multiple times, but Hanzo could never have imagined it would have been Kuai Liang.
The pang of jealousy he felt burning in his chest made him feel guilty.
“Uh. You dated Quan Chi?” Hanzo suddenly asked, as both brother’s head snapped to him, eyes wide like neither of them had realised he was still standing there.
“Oh. H-Hanzo?” Kuai stammered, suddenly brushing himself down like he had no idea how to react. “I didn’t know you were still there. Did- Did you hear all that?”
“Uh. Yeah, sorry.” Really if Kuai had wanted privacy, he shouldn’t have had the conversation in the corridor. Still, that didn’t really mean Hanzo should have stood and watched. “It’s just, I work for Quan Chi, I had no idea you guys dated.”
Kuai sighed. “My latest breakup, I suppose. He was…”
Kuai looked like he was trying to think of a diplomatic way to put it.
“He was an asshole,” Bi-Han said instead, clearly not as concerned about being kind about it as Kuai was. When Kuai softly hushed him again, Bi-Han scoffed. “Well he was! At the start of the relationship he was fine with you having a career, then right after he proposed, he suddenly wanted you as a stay-at-home husband.”
Hanzo blinked, he hadn’t realised Quan Chi had ever proposed to the cute boyfriend. He could only imagine that if he’d pulled the rug like this so suddenly, the relationship didn’t really last long enough for him to announce the engagement.
“It just… turned out we wanted different things,” Kuai tactfully said, giving Hanzo a small smile. “But either way, the break up seems to have triggered something in my Father, and now he’s desperate for me to find a nice man and get married.”
Hanzo hummed in sympathy. “What exactly would he find acceptable in a husband for you?”
“You know, the usual I suppose. High paying job, able to pay his own way, a successful career, has his own place. That sort of thing.”
Before Hanzo could stop himself or contemplate what he was saying, he blurted out “I’m all those things.”
Holy shit he had never experienced absolute silence before. He was fairly sure he’d stopped breathing, as both Kuai and Bi-Han stared at him in bewilderment. Granted Kuai looked genuinely confused by the outburst, while Bi-Han looked somewhere between shocked and absolutely pissed off. He wanted to apologise, to insist he hadn’t meant it like that, but the words just couldn’t come out of his mouth.
“Oh. Uh. Hanzo,” Kuai started, his face once more going a very particular shade of red. “I… uh… I’m flattered, really, but… I… Uh…”
“No, it’s okay, that was inappropriate of me,” Hanzo admitted, holding out his hands, not wanting Kuai to apologise, especially not for turning him down. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
“You’re very sweet Hanzo but…” Kuai bit his lip, once more looking like he wanted to find a delicate way to put things. Gods, Hanzo had no idea how he was being so considerate to someone who’d acted so tastelessly towards him. “I think dating a neighbour isn’t the smartest idea, especially if things went wrong between us.”
Hanzo hadn’t even considered that. At best it would probably be awkward running into your ex everyday. At worst? It could be downright nasty.
“No, I get it. You’re right, that isn’t a very smart thing to do.” He felt a weird twist in his gut as Kuai Liang took a deep breath. “Like I said, that was a very stupid and inappropriate thing for me to say. Please, let’s forget it ever happened.”
Kuai sighed and nodded, rubbing his shoulder with his hand. “Anyway.” He turned to Bi-Han. “We should get going. I think our pizzas should be ready for pick up by now.” Kuai offered Hanzo a small smile. “It was nice to speak to you, Hanzo. See you soon.”
“See you.” Hanzo watched as Kuai walked off down the corridor, feeling strangely defeated. Although knowing they were in the process of going out might have explained why they’d been in the corridor for the phone call. That hardly mattered anymore. Hanzo had just made himself look like a complete creepy dick in front of a neighbour who’d been nothing but nice to him.
How the hell could I be so stupid?
He was surprised when Bi-Han’s face enveloped his vision. The teen standing on his tiptoes to get as in Hanzo’s face as he possibly could. He was scowling, looking positively pissed off. And despite it being a kid, Hanzo couldn’t help but swallow nervously.
“If you try anything like that again,” Bi-Han hissed in a low tone, clearly not wanting Kuai to overhear. “I will make the rest of the time you live in this place absolute hell.”
Somehow, Hanzo completely believed that was not an empty threat.
“Bi-Han? Are you coming?” Kuai called from afar, and finally Bi-Han backed off.
He glanced Hanzo up and down one last time in disgust before spitting “later, pervert.”
Hanzo finally felt like he could breathe when Bi-Han finally disappeared down the corridor. Then, he himself turned on his feet, reaching for his door lock and letting himself in. He slammed the door behind him, leaning against it and letting himself slide down the wood. He closed his eyes, wondering how he could have been such a fucking moron.
Least I know he's definitely someone I’ll never have now.
His breathing hiccuped, and as a tear rolled down his face, he felt like a pathetic child having a tantrum for not getting his own way.
No wonder Kuai doesn’t want to be with me.